


In The Wake Of A Hurricane

by crystalblinks (orphan_account)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Luke Cage (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, POV Steve Rogers, Sam POV, Single Parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 03:46:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8562640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/crystalblinks
Summary: “Why Colorado?” Natasha asked, hauling one of the larger boxes to the truck. “I thought D.C  was home for you.”“I needed a change, something different.” After the death of his husband, Sam uproots his life and moves half-way across the country, hoping to find something new.





	1. Make It Out When The Sun Is Ruined

**Author's Note:**

> Title and chapter titles from Frank Ocean's Pink+White and Seigfried.

“Why Colorado?” Natasha asked, hauling one of the larger boxes to the truck. “I thought D.C  was home for you.” She looked back at me, green eyes scanning me with concern. 

“I needed a change, something different.” The sun was beating down on us in rhythmic waves, a pounding that was both taxing and familiar. “Besides, it’ll be a great place for June.”

Natasha hummed and picked up another box. “Is this about Riley?”

There was a pregnant pause, one filled with June’s snores and the rush of the neighborhood. “Of course it’s about Riley. I- I can’t be in this house anymore Nat, and if that makes me selfish I’ll be damn selfish, but I hate waking up every morning and wondering why he’s not next to me. I hate the look on June’s face when she looks at his chair in the living room. I- I need a change, we need a change.”

Natasha just nodded and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Colorado it is.”

***

The new house was bigger than the last one. It was the exact same size, but the yard was bigger, the space between houses was bigger. June loved it, running around the lawn while Natasha helped me unload the truck. She’d sighed in delight when her feet touched the grass, despite the fact that we’d stopped at every possible park throughout the three day road trip.

When we’d finished June was still playing and Natasha had almost collapsed onto the porch. “Do you know what you’re going to do down here?” She asked, taking a sip from her water bottle.

“Write another book, spend time with my daughter, explore.” 

“Heal?” I refused to meet her eye, but I knew they were boring into my soul. 

“Yeah...heal.”

***

June never cried when I dropped her off at school. Not when she was three, and not at eight. She just smiles brightly at me, hefts her bag onto her back (a royal blue bag with a giant white j stitched proudly onto the front) and walks inside the school. 

I always cry, there is never a year when I have dry eyes. Usually Riley would be there to wipe them for me but this marked the first school year when it was just me standing there trying not to let my daughter see me break down. 

***

The book was going well. Forty seven pages in and I still had a plot and a direction. It was one of those introspective pieces about a man who lost his partner and was left with their four year old son (write what you know and all that) infused with some magical realism elements and enough angst that I summoned a teenager. That moment of clarity and literary genius wouldn’t last long. I went back and scrapped everything only to decide I liked it and make a few minor changes that improved my overall outlook on what I’d written. The book was going well.

***

“So you like it down there?” Natasha asked, her voice competing with the sounds of her gym. She ran the place like a sweatshop, and would always rebuff me when I recommended a change in name. 

“Yeah, the air took some time to get used to but it’s great, the people are nice and our apartment is by this great bookstore which has everything you could want to read and more. And June is loving her school, they’ve got all these great art programs for the kids and she’s really getting what she needs here.”

“Are you getting what you need here?”

“I’m trying.”

***

“Daddy are you ever going to forget about Papa?”

“No sweetie. Never.”

***

“Sammy baby, I’ve got to tell you I love this place, it’s very gentrification chic!” Maxwell floated around the house, wide smile on his face and sunglasses covering his beady rat eyes. “You know I think I’m going to move me and the wife down here, get some of those edgy adolescent writers published, revamp the writing world!”

“You do that Max.” He smiled that seedy smile, thin lips pushing against sickly pale skin, and it made me wonder if I really needed him as much as I thought I did.

“So the new book, tell me you’re drawing from that depression. I mean I’m ready for you to serve me Mary J. Blige after a divorce Sammy!”

If Natasha was here I could’ve counted on her to punch him. “Just trying to meet deadline.”

“Well, send me what you’ve got, or don’t I just need the finished product before next summer.”

“You’ll have it.” 

He lowered his sunglasses and licked him lips. “Great!” Maxwell looked around the house, his gaze landing in the kitchen. “Now it’s time for you to show Daddy the liquor cabinet!”

***

“Daddy!” June bounded towards me, snaggletoothed smile peering between her lips. As she ran I swear I saw her shoes smoking but, she seemed to snuff out the fire when she launched into my arms. 

“What’s up June-bug?” I hoisted her up onto my hip, thanking whatever deity that was listening for my sessions in the gym. 

“There’s a field trip to the art museum to look at the art next week and I want to go, but I also want you to go.”

“I’ll have to check my schedule.”

“What schedule?” She asked indignantly as if all I did was sit in the house at my laptop. “All you do is sit at home and write.” 

“Well Missy, I’ve got deadlines so I’ll have to check my schedule.”

“Daddy!” She was pouting, something that she’d picked up from Riley. Even after all this time it still astonished me just how much she looked like him. Fuck biology and nature, June was as much Riley as she was me and some days that realization hurt more than it should’ve. “Please?”

“Fine! I’ll clear my schedule for this field trip!” She giggled brightly, reveling in her victory. “Now tell me about your day, I want to hear all about Ms. Knight’s class.”

***

“Whatcha reading?” A voice, raspy yet uniquely masculine asked from behind me. I whipped around only to be confronted by the face of a tall man with an extremely infectious smile. His sandy blonde hair was falling into his face as he peaked around the corner. 

“Things Fall Apart, it’s a- um it’s a classic.” 

“I’ll have to read it. It looks good.” He said examining the cover. The man looked like something out of one of my high school wet dreams, in basketball shorts and a tank top that was tight in all the right places. 

“I heard that you’re not supposed judge books by their covers.” 

“Hmm. I think that covers are meant to bring a reader in, so they want to know what’s on the inside. Covers are meant to be intriguing.” He said it in such a genuine way that I almost thought it wasn’t flirting, but body language dictate that he was definitely flirting. “I would like to know what’s under your cover, maybe at dinner?”

“I um I’ve got a daughter so nights are busy and I can’t really leave her alone.”

“Oh,” He looked disappointed, heartbroken even, “I’m sorry to have bothered you. Have a good day.” He dashed of quickly and a little part of my heart wanted to go and check on him. Only a little part. 

***

“Was he cute?” Natasha asked, her voice filled with all the enthusiasm of a teenage girl. 

“Eh, not really my type.” June was flitting around the grocery store, pointing to every cereal in the aisle with more sugar than my old college boyfriend. 

“I forgot, you live for the blonde, built all-american types.”

“Nothing wrong with loving my country.” She just hummed in disbelief, knowing that while I love it’s men I don’t always love this country. “Besides, even if he was attractive I’m not ready to jump back in.”

“So what you’re saying is that he was cute and if given the change you’d jump back on the saddle.”

“Where did you get that from?”

“Context clues.” June presented me with the largest box of Frosted Flakes on the aisle and smiled that smile that had traces of Riley written all over it. 

“Nat, I came here to heal, no to get my heart broken over and over again.”

“It never has to be more than coffee Sam. Maybe this is apart of healing. Maybe healing is moving on.” June tossed the box in the basket and Natasha waited patiently for an answer.

“I don’t know, maybe healing is staying inside and not being vulnerable.”

“I hate to be manipulative, but Riley wouldn’t want that.”

“You’re right, you are being manipulative.”

She sighed. “I just want you to be okay Sam I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life mourning.”

“I won’t. Besides I’ve got you and June and even Maxwell when he’s not being a dick and helping himself to everything I own,”

“I tried,” I could almost hear Natasha’s dissatisfaction. “Tell baby girl I said hi.”

“I will.”

“Take care of yourself Sam.”

“I will.” 

  
  



	2. Dark Skin Of A Summer Shade

“Really?” Bucky scoffed from where he sat on the bed, eating some sort of bean/cheese/meat combination. He waved a messy hand in my direction. “Khakis? For a date?”

“They’re nice pants!”

“Nice for a grandpa.” Bucky rose from his place on the bed and moved to my closet shuffling though every pant I owned. “Too bad you don’t own any leather.” He muttered before tossing me a dark jean. 

Struggling into the jeans I barely caught a glimpse of Bucky’s smug smirk. “These are kind of tight.”

“Oh Stevie. That’s the point.” 

***

I typically don’t go out on dates, especially dates set up by Bucky, but after an extremely long drought I figured that getting back out there wasn’t such a bad idea. It was a very bad idea. Apparently ‘the mosh pit’ wasn’t a restaurant, but the place in a concert where people dance like maniacs. It’s also a place where you could get punched in the face if you’re not paying attention. It was a very, very bad idea. 

***

Bucky pressed the peas to my nose and grimaced. “I...I’m sorry buddy...”

“Never set me up again.”

***

Misty Knight was the only person in the school who shouldn’t have been working there. She was incredibly intelligent and could do so much more with her life than teach third graders math. She was also the only person on staff that I could call a friend. 

“Steve, I need a favor from you.” She walked into my room with purpose like she always did, even if it was just for lunch. “I’m taking the kids to the art museum in a few weeks and I’m short a parent. I just need you to walk around with the kids for a few hours, make sure they’re alive at the end of the day.”

“Yeah of course. I’ll be there.” 

***

“Hey are you at work?” Bucky rasped through the phone, his voice battling the bustle of the restaurant's kitchen.

“No, I'm at the bookstore.” I was in the loudest part of the store so the phone call really didn’t phase anyone, but it made me feel extremely awkward. I’d decided to forgo my lunch break and go to the tattered cover by the school, pick up a birthday present for Misty or something that peaked my interest.

“Oh, pick me up a copy of that Chrissy Teigen cookbook. I want to try some of those recipes.” Bucky shouted something that sounded a lot like ‘alfre woodard’ but was almost definitely alfredo. “Steve, I’ll call you later, I’ve got to get back to work.” Another shout into the kitchen filled the line before Bucky hung up.

I wandered further into the bookstore to a nook by the cookbooks. On the floor immersed in text was a man with kind eyes like coffee beans. He was beautiful, with skin like burnt sienna and a neatly trimmed beard. 

“Whatcha reading?”

***

“Have you ever read Things Fall Apart?” 

Misty set her fork down, bits of salad still speared on the plastic. “Have you been hanging around Luke again?” Luke, the sixth grade English teacher had the tendency to recommend books and then go into tangents about the text and every ounce of symbolism he could find in it. 

“I have actually, but the guy at the bookstore, the one I told you about was reading it and I wanted to know if you’d read it.”

“I have. It’s a good read, long but well worth it.”

“Do you have a copy?”

“No, but Luke definitely does. Ask him I’m sure he’ll be happy to talk your ear off about it.” 

***

Misty, in all her glory was great with kids She herded the group from the buses to the art museum, all while coordinating with parents and handling check in. So far I’d been hovering in the back, chatting with a few of the parents and kids from my bus and generally enjoying a day out of the office. As much as I love teaching art, it is always fun to get out once in awhile. 

“Alright everyone listen in closely for your group's!” Misty listed off the names of parents and the kids whose lives they’d be intrusted with. 

She leaned over towards me and showed me the list. “So Ronny has really bad asthma and I need a teacher with him to administer his inhaler since his mother isn’t here, so I’m going to have you with my biggest group. There’s also a parent in that group so you won’t be alone.” Misty hefted her bag onto her back and lead me towards the last group. “Do you know June Wilson?”

“Yeah, she’s a great kid.”

“You’ll be with her parent, Sam I think, nice guy.” Misty stopped at the edge of the group, where a man, probably Sam was bent down helping one of the other kids with their backpack. “Mr. Wilson, this is Mr. Rodgers, he’ll be helping you out with the group today.”

“The more the merrier.” he said rising from his place on the floor. When he stood up I immediately recognized him as the man from the bookstore, and he recognized me to, judging by the look of shock on his face. Misty picked up on something immediately and eyed us a bit before going off to her own group of kids. 

An awkward silence passed over us until Sam held out a hand. “I’m Sam, June’s dad.”

“Uh, yeah I’m Steve her art teacher.” I said shaking it lightly. “Look if today is going to be awkward for you since what happened last week, we can just split the group.”

“No, it’s fine. I figure,” He paused and looked down at his shoes contemplating his words. “I figure we can get to know each other, look at some art? Each some lunch?”

It was my turn to look down at my shoes in contemplation. “Uh, yeah I uh I’d like that.”

A groan from one of the kids drew us from our conversation. “Common Daddy, we don’t have all day.”

Sam looked like he was concealing a laugh when he spoke again. “Watch your mouth June-bug, we’re coming.”

***

“So you’re published and everything?” Sam laughed and took another bite of his pasta. 

“Yeah, I had a lot of free time after June was born, because I was doing the stay at home dad thing, and I’d always loved writing. So I sat down and wrote a crappy novel about a bunch of kids who can see ghosts. It was actually going to sit on my laptop but my husband and best friend convinced me to send it to some agents and here I am.” 

“Are you uh, are you divorced?”

“No I’m a widower.”

“Oh. I’m sorry for your loss.”

Sam gave me a weak smile and took another bite. “Thanks.”

***

Misty was lounging on the couch, biting into one of the chicken wings that Bucky had just set on the table. Bucky was sitting at the other end looking at me with a devilish smirk. “So the bookstore guy is one of your student’s dads.”

“Yep.”

“And he’s a widower.”

“Yep.”

“This just keeps getting better.”

“Are you going to talk to him again?” Misty chimed in already picking up another wing.

“He gave me his number, but I don’t know what I want to do.”

“Think it through Steve, because you’re not just building a relationship with Sam, you’re also building a relationship with that little girl.” 

Bucky nodded in agreement to Misty’s words. “But if he’s as hot as you say he his go for it.” 

***

I enjoy sketching from memory, it’s the ability to mirror reality from a different axis, to see the world through clouded glasses. I was drawing Sam trying to get the jawline just right, trying to capture the essence of his smile when my phone seemed to shout at me, begging me to set down the pencil and just call him, take him out for coffee or something. But there was also the part of me that wasn’t ready for a long term relationship, because a thing with Sam would be a thing for the long run and I didn’t think I was ready for that.

In the end a text from Misty telling me to follow my gut feeling swayed my decision just enough that I was picking up my phone and asking Sam when he had some free time. 

  
  
  
  
  



	3. One Solar Flare We’re Consumed

“Where’s your lunch?” The kid shrugged and pushed his glasses back onto his face. He was one of June’s friends, and while he was a generally okay kid, he couldn’t keep track of his head if it wasn’t attached to his body. “Let’s check your bag, see if it’s in there.” 

I ended up looking through the kids insanely large bag only to find a handful of tissues, a box of breath mints and a sandwich that wasn’t really a sandwich but two pieces of bread 

“Mr. Wilson, this is Mr. Rodgers, he’ll be helping you out with the group today.” I heard Misty’s voice from behind me. She was my favorite teacher June had ever had. She obviously knew what she was doing and inspired June to do great things. 

“The more the merrier.” I stood up and turned around only to be met with book store adonis. He was out of his basketball shorts and wearing khakis that he pulled off in a sexy ‘man out of time’ kind of way. I saw Misty quirk an eyebrow at him before going off to deal with her own group.

The awkward silence that was extremely predictable, allowed my brain time to wonder if this was a second chance, if the universe was telling me that I needed to get laid, that I needed to move on like Natasha said.  “I’m Sam, June’s dad.” I held out a hand, over one of the many third graders swarming us. 

“Uh, yeah I’m Steve her art teacher.” he shook it lightly although it was obvious that his grip was typically firm. “Look if today is going to be awkward for you since what happened last week, we can just split the group.” He spoke with his head down, as if he didn’t really want to battle rejection, and it made me wonder if I really wanted to reject him.

“No, it’s fine. I figure,” I looked down at my shoes, wondering if the decision I was about to make was worth it, if I really wanted to make my kid go through the ups and downs of a budding relationship. I wondered if she was ready to see me with someone other than Riley. There was so much that could go wrong, so many variables, but it only had to be a one time thing. It was worth at least one try. “I figure we can get to know each other, look at some art? Each some lunch?”

“Uh, yeah I uh I’d like that.”

***

“Really? Nicki is clearly the better rapper.” Steve guffawed, leaning back in his chair. 

“But Missy is a classic, she’s a pioneer!”

“Okay, but the monster verse.”

“I’ll give you that one.”

***

“So book store guy was cute.”

“Yep.” I could almost hear Natasha’s smile over the phone.

“I’m happy for you. It’s good that you’re getting out there.”

“I figured I’d go for it, listen to the universe for once.”

“Is that what you’re calling me now?” Laughter filled the phone and it made me reflect on the fact that there were almost 2,000 miles between nus. 

“I miss you Nat.”

“I miss you too, but it won’t be long until you see me again. You better believe that I’ll be down here for your first date.”

“You’d fly all the way down here for that?”

“Hell yeah, you were a mess on your first date with Riley. I’ll be there to calm nerves and watch baby girl.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Sam, I want to. Besides the gym runs itself and I’ve been meaning to come down for a visit.” 

“Thanks.”

“Anytime. Now tell me more about Steve.”

***

Maxwell’s face appeared on the screen, smiling his same seedy smile, with wide framed sunglasses sitting low on his nose. “Where’s my romance plotline? I thought you were going to serve me redemption arc rom com realness?”

“Not everything centers around romance. The story is about Nick recovering after a traumatic loss while also trying to be a good parent, not about falling in love.”

“I mean I get that but your audience is just thirsting after some lovey dovey after all that depressing shit.”

“Life isn’t like that Maxwell, sometimes depressing shit is all there is.”

“I don’t care what anyone tells you Sammy, art doesn’t imitate life, especially not when you’re writing magical realism. This book has the potential to be even bigger than the last, but you have got to play to your audience.” 

“I’m not selling out.” He ran a hand down the side of his face in exasperation.

“Listen to Daddy, what you’re doing is noble but you’re trying to make moolah, and romance sells copies.” 

***

“What do you want for dinner tonight?” June looked up from her homework, her curls barely being held back by a bright green bandanna which belonged to Riley. She pondered my question, biting her lip in thought.

“Tacos.” She looked back down only to rise again. “Soft shell.”

“You drive a hard bargain. Tacos it is.” June giggled a bit before returning to her work. I made my way into the kitchen hoping that I wouldn’t have to make a trip to the grocery store when my phone started buzzing in my pocket. An unknown number appeared on my phone and my heart lurched in a way that it hadn’t since I was 21 and naive. 

“Sam Wilson speaking.”

“Uh, hey Sam, this is Steve. I wanted to call and see if you wanted to get together later this week?”

“I would love to, maybe on Saturday?”

“Does June have a babysitter?”

I glanced over at June, her head still in her books. “She does.”

“Good, yeah uh I’ll pick you up and everything on Saturday.”

“See you then Steve.”

***

“Don’t wear that jacket.” Natasha said, dismissing the suit jacket before I even put it on. “Just go with the button down and jeans, it’s not like you’re going to meet the queen.”

“I want to look nice.”

“You do look nice, I just don’t want you to be overdressed.”

“So what do you suggest I wear?” A wicked grin spread across Natasha’s face as she made her way towards my closet, like predator to prey.

“Leather.”

***

Steve happened to be extremely endearing, especially standing on my porch holding a bouquet of carnations with a shy smile on his face. “I’m not really sure about first date etiquette, but I thought I’d bring flowers.”

“They’re beautiful.” I said, admittedly a little breathless. I ushered him into the house, admiring the thoughtfulness of his action. 

“Aren’t you going to introduce us?” Natasha said as soon as we entered the kitchen. Rolling my eyes at her I grabbed a vase from under the sink. 

“Steve, this is my best friend Natasha, Nat this is Steve.” She stepped forward and offered him a hand which he shook eagerly.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise.” She responded flashing him one of her killer smiles, although he didn’t seem to notice. “Enjoy tonight, I’ll see you when you get back.” Natasha disappeared into the house with a small smile and a slight nod of approval. 

***

There is something about being on a ferris wheel in the middle of the night. The way the light bounces around you, the isolation of the moment, feeling as if you’re at the top of the world, as if nothing could bring you down. I found myself feeling that way with Steve as we weaved our way through the carnival, funnel cakes in hand. 

We were sitting on the ferris wheel when Steve gazed out at the night sky a content smile on his face. “This feels so high school.” He paused and turned to look at me, his eyes softened slightly. “The carnival, the butterflies in my stomach. I just...I know how cheesy it is, but I’ve always wanted to take a guy to the carnival, win him a stuffed animal and kiss at the top of the ferris wheel. One of those childhood fantasies you know?” Steve shrugged, and ducked his head a little bit. 

Lacing my fingers with his, I smiled at him. “It’s not cheesy at all. It’s wonderful.” I moved towards him, my eyes flickering from his lips to his eyes. “May I?” Steve nodded slowly, and both of us moved forward meeting in the middle for an easy kiss. It wasn't like getting to know someone, the way they taste, the way their lips feel between yours, it was like coming home. 


	4. Exhale Once and Think Twice

“How was your date?” Bucky asked over the loud R&B music, stuffing ravioli and dancing to the beat. 

“It was perfect. It was the epitome of dates, it was marvelous.”

“Alright Merriam Webster, calm down.”

“I just...it was like a dream Buck.”

“So have you made it official?”

“Official?” 

Bucky rolled his eyes while dropping ravioli in boiling water. “Labels Stevie, labels.”

“Oh, uh I think it’s a little early for that.”

“You like the guy, it doesn’t seem like it’s a hit it and quit it scenario, so I just wanted to know if you’d made it official.”

“Um, no, I mean I’d like to but uh, I just.” Bucky held up an hand and motioned towards the dinner table. 

“Sit, stop sticking your foot in your mouth and come eat.” 

***

**Me: i had a gr8 time last nite**

**Sam: I did too. I would love to see you again.**

**Me: definitely**

***

“A collage assignment for a bunch of eight year olds? I can guarantee at least one of them will lose a finger.” Bucky flipped the steak in the pan, moving around the kitchen with well learned precision. 

“At least it won’t be an arm.” He just laughed and motioned for me to grab plates. Bucky could do a lot one handed and prefer to do so when he was at the apartment. The restaurant made him wear his prosthetic, but he usually preferred to forego the heavy silver substitute. “Besides, they’ll be using safety scissors.”

“Safety scissors my ass. Make sure to bring ice so they can salvage the finger.”

***

“Hey!” Sam said, his voice ringing loud and clear through the phone.

“I’ll be done with work a little early, maybe an hour or so before you have to pick up June. I wanted to see if you’d like to go get some coffee.” School had just started so I knew that Sam was up and figured that I’d meet him when we both had the time. 

“Yeah, I can meet you at the school at around two?”

“Perfect.”

***

“I agree with your friend, it’s not smart to give a class of eight year olds an assignment to cut things.” Sam took a sip of his tea. “Honestly at least four kids are going to get hurt.”

“What if June is one of those kids?”

“She won’t be, I let her use scissors at home, but that doesn’t mean her classmates have that same experience.”

“I think they can handle it.” 

“I hope they can, because take it from a parent, you don’t want to deal with a bunch of angry parents with fingerless kids.” I don’t think Sam noticed the way I grimaced, maybe he did, because the conversation suddenly shifted and he didn’t mention June or my job again.

***

“Mr. Rogers?”

“Yes Candace?”

“I just cut myself.”

***

Bucky just looked at me, glancing from the blood on my shirt to the look on my face. “I told you so.” 

***

I was in the middle of an art class, helping one of the kids with their collages when my phone buzzed in my pocket. 

**Sam: How do you feel about horses?**

**Me: they’re great animals**

**Me: fun to draw**

**Me: why**

**Sam: I’m taking June to a riding class on Sunday and they’ve got one for adults. I wanted to see if you’d like to ride with me.**

Ignoring the thoughts that weren’t PG, I began wishing for my class to end so I could rush to Misty’s room and ask her for advice. I liked Sam I looked forward to spending time with him, receiving his phone calls and messages. I also liked June, she was one of my smartest kids but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be introduced to her as ‘Daddy’s boyfriend’ yet.

***

Misty bit into her carrot, chewing slowly as she thought over my words. “Talk to him.”

“And tell him what, I’m not ready to be Papa Steve?”

“Exactly. Go to him and talk it out, because starting a relationship based on doubts and lack of communication is a relationship doomed to fail.”

“What if I don’t want a full on relationship right now.”

“Then leave him alone Steve, find someone who isn’t an all or nothing. Find someone who is just single, not a single father.”

“Misty, I get this dilemma but I really like him. I could fall in love with him you know?” Misty nodded and picked up another carrot.

“You have two options. You either strap on the big boy pants and step up, be what this man needs or you leave his ass alone and find something casual.”

***

**Me: can’t do Sunday**

**Me: have lots of work**

**Me: sorry**

**Sam: No worries, I will see you later.**

***

There were very few nights when Bucky wasn’t in the kitchen, listening to music and trying a new recipe. And while it was odd for a chef to like to cook as a way to wind down, there was always a noticeable difference in Bucky’s behavior after he’d come home from work and after he’d done some cooking. That night was different. Bucky wasn’t in the kitchen, but two wine glasses were abandoned on the table along with two plates with the remnants of Bucky’s famous lasagna. As I got closer towards the bedroom I heard Bucky’s moans and the rasping of “James” from an unknown voice. 

I decided not to be there when Bucky inevitably kicked the guy out, when they inevitably got louder and left the apartment. “Misty? Can I stay in your spare room tonight?” 

***

Misty’s house is always quiet. She sleeps in complete silence and while normally I have no issue with it, it didn’t really aid in relaxing my mind. All I could think of was Sam, of what I was going to say to him the next time I saw him. I sat up and weighed the pros and cons of every possible decision, only getting two hours of sleep in the process. 

***

“Who was your date last night?” I asked over the phone, fighting sleep as the kids ran around the room waving scissors and paper in the air.

Bucky was silent. “Just some guy, no one important.” His typical bravado that he used to discuss his conquests was absent, and I wondered if it really was just some guy.

***

**Me: hey can i come over later**

**Me: i want to talk to you about something**

**Me: *us**


	5. It's All Downhill From Here

“Daddy, can I ask you something?” June asked from where she sat at the dinner table. She was looking down from her salad to mine almost as if she was trying to avoid asking me whatever she wanted to ask me. Natasha just leaned back in her chair, almost eagerly awaiting some sort of display. I nodded my head and she mirrored the action before continuing. “Can I go horseback riding on Sunday with some friends?”

“Who are you going with? When are you going? Where are the stables?” 

“With Xavier and his mom to the stables out in Centennial.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because his mom doesn’t do a very good job of taking care of him and I can’t trust her with you.” June rolled her eyes. She’d heard me rant to Natasha about the one mom in June’s class who shows up to PTA meetings drunk and can’t even make sure her son has lunch for a field trip.

“It’s not that mom that’s going, it’s his other mom.”

“I don’t know his other mom, so you’re not going.”

“But I really want to learn how to ride horses.” 

“Then I will take you, but I’m not leaving you with people I don’t know.” 

“But I wanted to go with Xavier!” June was giving me Riley’s pout.

“Okay, how about this, you can go horseback riding with Xavier and his mother, but I will be there as well.” June began beaming, and stood from her chair, rushing to hug me. 

“Thank you Daddy!” 

Natasha just shook her head and muttered. “Pushover.” 

***

**Steve Rogers: i had a gr8 time last nite**

**Me: I did too. I would love to see you again.**

**Steve Rogers: definitely**

***

“Do you think he’s all in?” Natasha asked blindly tossing her clothes back into her duffel bag.

“I hope so. I can’t do casual dating especially with June.”

“What if he isn’t?”

“Why are you asking all these questions?”

“Because I want you to be prepared. I know you like him a lot but I want you to be ready if he decides that dating a single dad is too much for him.”

“I am prepared. My daughter will always come first no matter what, even if I like him a lot. Her happiness will always be more important than mine.”

Natasha nodded, crossing the room in search of her flip flops. “Don’t get to a place where you’re head over heels and he’s not committed okay?”

“I won’t. But I think he is. I hope he is.”

“Good, because he seems like a nice guy. I would hate to have to snap his neck.” 

***

“June!” I was met with a long stretch of silence. “June Audre Wilson!” 

Soon enough she emerged from her room, her afro puffs sticking out of her head and her face filled with exasperation. “Daddy! I was doing homework!”

“Yeah, but we need to have a chat.” June half rolled her eyes and half nodded. She moved from he place in the doorway and slotted herself next to me. “How would you feel about me dating again?”

“Dating?”

“Yeah.” June was silent for a long moment, her gaze cast downward and tears welling in her eyes. 

“You promised not to forget about Papa.”

“I won’t, I will never forget about him as long as I live.”

“No one’s going to replace him right?” She sniffled, still tucked into my arms. “Even if you get married again, he’s not going to replace Papa.”

“Never June-bug. Never.” 

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.” 

***

**Me: How do you feel about horses?**

**Steve Rogers: they’re great animals**

**Steve Rogers: fun to draw**

**Steve Rogers: why**

**Me: I’m taking June to a riding class on Sunday and they’ve got one for adults. I wanted to see if you’d like to ride with me.**

***

Opal Hartford was not who I was expecting. She wasn’t a drunk or a shitty parent. She was just a tired divorcee who’s trainwreck of an ex got her kids for four days out of the month and couldn’t take care of anyone but herself let alone their three children. 

“Getting back out there is hard especially with kids.” Opal sighed, her eyes following the kids who looked as if they were having the time of their lives. “It seems like every available person my age just hates children on principal.” 

“I’m starting to feel that way too.” 

She pulled her dreads back with a hair tie and looked over at me. “Bad experince?” 

“Do you know the kid’s art teacher? Steve Rogers?” Opal nodded. “I started dating him and as soon as I asked him to come hang out with me and June he stopped talking to me.” 

“Jackass.”

“Yeah, definitely a jackass.”

“Also, if I was going to date one of the kids teachers, it would definitely be Ms. Knight, that woman is so hot she could start a fire.”

***

“Have you heard from him lately?”

“No, I asked him to go horseback riding with us and after he said no it was complete radio silence.”

“Do I need to fly back down there and kick his ass?” I could hear the edge in Natasha’s voice, and I knew that if she wasn’t at work she’d be sitting on her laptop looking for a cheap plane ticket. 

“The only good that could come from that is you getting more frequent flier miles.”

“I’d live in an airport if that meant you wouldn’t get hurt.” 

“Nat, it’s not a big deal. It just wasn’t meant to be.”

***

**Jackass: hey can i come over later**

**Jackass: i want to talk to you about something**

**Jackass: *us**

**Me: June is in bed by seven, you can come over then.**

***

Steve sat on the couch, nervously fiddling with the glass I had handed him. “It’s good to see you.”

“Uh huh.”

“I uh, I came because I’ve been doing some thinking and I uh... I think I’m ready to be there, to suck it up and be there for you, for you and June.” 

“Oh, so you have to suck it up. You have to really work hard to deal with me and my daughter.” 

“That’s not what I was saying Sam. I want to be there for you, to be the person you and June need.”

“And how did you reach this startling revelation?” 

“I talked to my friend Misty, she said I either needed to be the man you need me to be or leave you alone.”

“Maybe she was right.”

“About what?”

“Maybe you should just leave me alone.”

“Sam, do you really...I thought that we were good together.” 

“Steve you don’t understand! I thought I found someone who was all in, not someone who dips out when he can’t handle his shit. I need someone who will talk to me first and not last. I need stability, because I’ve got a little girl in there who needs to know that everything is going to be fine when she wakes up, that her father will be present with her that whoever is with him will be present. I don’t think you’re that person.”

“Sam-I please. I am that person. I want to be that person for you and her!”

“Give me time. Maybe I’ll text you in a few days. Maybe I won’t.”

***

“I know we’re just getting to know each other so tell me when I cross a line, but you look like shit.” Opal saw me outside of the school, dropping of June and made her way towards me, her eight month old nestled onto her hip. 

“June told me the same thing, just a bit nicer.”

“I can do nicer.” Opal cleared her throat. “Honey did you get any sleep last night?” 

“That’s so much worse.” Sighing I glanced towards the school. “I broke up with him after he told me he wanted to be there for me and June.”

“I guess you’re the jackass now.”

“Definitely.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> June gets her name from the poets June Jordan and Audre Lorde.


	6. I’d Rather Chip My Pride Than Lose My Mind

When Bucky opened the apartment door he was covered in flour. “How’d it go? I made fried chicken just in case it went really badly. It’s Misty’s recipe too so it’s all comfort.” 

“I-It went really badly.” I fell into Bucky’s arms, the sobs that started at Sam’s continuing to flow. “I told him, I told him I wanted to be there and he-he rejected me.” Bucky pulled me into the house and moved to the couch, only leaving me to turn off the stove. “I really liked him. I wanted to be the person he needed, that June needed and he just...he”

Bucky cradled me, running his fingers through my hair. “Hey, maybe he’ll come around. If he knows that you’re sincere he’ll come around.”

***

I took the day after that off work not wanting to see Sam’s mini-me run around my classroom reminding me of all that I could have, all that was out of my reach. My absence caused Misty to promptly arrive at my doorstep at 4pm with a giant tub of ice cream and a sad smile on her face. “Go grab some sweatpants. We’re binging tonight.”

***

If Bucky or Misty or anyone else in their right mind was around me, they’d tell me that this wasn’t healthy. They’d snatch my notebook and pull out every drawing or sketch of Sam, set them on fire and tell me to stop drawing more. Drawing Sam wasn’t healthy. Although it did help, it allowed me to think of him in a way that didn’t end in crying and checking my phone for texts. Still I could almost hear Misty in my ear telling me that sketching him wasn’t healthy, that I should move on. But no matter how many times I opened my notebook trying to draw something else, I always ended up drawing him. 

My favorite was the one where Sam was in the air with wings, bright red and all encompassing. He looked like an angel or a prince, something ethereal. It made me wonder if he was flying away from me, if I was the sun and he’d just gotten too close. This wasn’t healthy. 

***

“You’ve checked your phone over twelve times in the fifteen minutes that you’ve been in here Steve.” Misty said picking up the discarded papers left in her room. “A watched phone never rings.”

“He said he’d text me in a few days.”

“He also said that he might not.”

***

Bucky was getting worried. His gaze lingered longer and he made more comfort foods when he got home. Not that I was complaining, but I hated seeing him fret over me. He had other things to do, other people to be concerned with like that new boyfriend of his. 

“Hey can I bring a friend tonight?” Bucky was in the kitchen, for once in his life not cooking, but talking to the mystery guy from last week. “I don’t like to share either, but it’s my friend Steve and he’s really down in the dumps right now.” He paused.  “Thanks Kitten. I promise I’ll make it up to you tonight.” 

“Get up Stevie we’re going dancing.” Bucky said tossing a pair of leather pants at me.

“No, I don’t want to interrupt your date.”

“He doesn’t mind, he even wants to meet you, so get up and get dressed, because we’re going dancing.”

***

I never frequented gay bars. The music's too loud, the people too are too drunk and I can’t dance. Going was always Bucky’s idea, he flourished in places like that, finding the prettiest thing in the room to seduce with his hips and drag back to the apartment. Tonight he was meeting someone, but he would no doubt be the prettiest thing in the room. 

I saw him from the back first. Curly hair cut closely to his neck, broad shoulders and skin like mahogany wood. Bucky went behind him, capturing him in a kiss, dirty and raw. “Sam?” My voice didn’t pull them apart. Bucky was claiming him right in front of my eyes and something red hot overwhelmed my senses pulling me from my spot on the dance floor and pushing Bucky away from Sam.

Turning to look at him realized that the man Bucky was kissing wasn’t Sam, but someone who didn’t even look like him. “Stevie what the hell?” 

The man glanced between me and Bucky with concern. “James?” 

“I-I uh I’m so sorry, I’m sorry Buck. I should go. I’m gonna go.” 

Running out the bar I could hear Bucky’s shouts of “Steve wait!” but decided to ignore them in favor of letting my feet carry me away from the bar and the overwhelming worry of my friend.

***

“God I miss him.” Misty sighed and passed the bottle of vodka. We were staring up at the sky in Misty’s backyard blurting out random things whenever thoughts came to us. After stumbling to her place after the disaster at the bar she pulled out the cheap vodka she bought one day on a whim and pulled me, along with four or five blankets to the backyard.

“Tell him that.” 

“I should! I should go over to his house and tell him how I feel!”

“Exactly!” Misty’s smile glowed as she took one last swig of vodka before passing the bottle to me.

Following her lead I took a long drink and stood up. “Let’s go do it!

***

After taking an uber from Misty’s house to Sam’s I began ringing his doorbell and knocking loudly on his door, when he opened it he looked like he could unleash hell on earth.

“Steve are you out of your goddamned mind?”

“I know you’re mad, about this and about everything but I miss you.”

“I’m missing sleep Steve.” 

“I know, I just uh, I can’t live knowing I let you go, knowing that I could have been apart of your life and wasn’t. I’ve been drawing you, and I know how creepy that sounds but you’re always on my mind and I don’t want to shake you or leave you alone. I want to be right by your side.”

“You’re drunk.”

“My mom used to say that a drunk man tells no tales.” 

“Steve just...” Sam ran a hand down his face. 

“I need to know if you’ll take me back Sam please. I feel like I can’t breathe without you. You’re my oxygen and I need you to survive.”

“You haven’t known me long enough.”

“Time is a social construct.” Sam rolled his eyes, his lip quirking slightly. “I want to be your oxygen too. I want to be yours and I want to be your little girl’s.” 

Sam nodded sagely and moved towards me, planting a kiss on my forehead. “Sober up and call me when you don’t have a blood alcohol level of .20, then I promise we can talk all about oxygen.”

***

“Hey, I‘m calling in sick for me and Steve.” Misty was draped over her kitchen counter downing cups of coffee like it was her job. “Luke for the last damn time I am not sleeping with Steve Rogers. Don’t you have a class of eleven year olds to go bore?” She rolled her eyes and hung up the phone. “Too damn hungover for his shit.”

“Come on Misty, be nice to Luke he’s a good guy.”

She rose an eyebrow and looked over at me. I was also draped over the counter top trying to decide just how many Advil was too many. “Not my type and you know it. Now don’t go around trying to set people up just because you’re getting back together with Sam.”

“Love is in the air, you should take part in it.”

“Love can kiss my ass.” 

***

Bucky was not happy. He rarely shouted, it just wasn’t his style, but when I came home he was at my throat screaming about how he thought I could have died and how worried he was about me. The only reason he didn’t choke me was because the guy from the bar yelled out a quick “James!” which had Bucky simmering down. 

“You could have at least called Steve.”

“I was with Misty.”

“Usually she calls when stuff like that happens.” 

“We were drunk.” 

Bucky closed his eyes and took a few breaths. “At least you’re not dead.” He turned towards the man at the table and gave him a small smile in which he returned. “Steve this is my boyfriend T’Challa. Sit down, we made breakfast.”

“We? You never let anyone cook with you.” T’Challa rose an eyebrow and smirked. Bucky blushed when he caught T’Challa’s gaze. 

“First time for everything.” Bucky grumbled basically shoving me into a seat. “Now shut up and eat, you probably need something to soak up all that alcohol with.”

***

“Hey, uh I sobered up like you said.”

“I’m glad, you were drunk as a skunk last night.” 

“Can skunks get drunk?”

“Nah, it’s just something my mom used to say all the time.” A silence passed over us. “I um, I’m sorry for how I reacted, you were just trying to get some stuff of your chest and I rejected you.”

“I get it though, June is important to you and being there for her is you top priority. And you had a right to be angry ignoring you wasn’t the best course of action in trying to figure out my feelings.”

“Truce?”

“God this feels so juvenile.”

“Hey, don’t knock the power of the truce.” Sam laughed over the phone, bright and bubbly. 

“Truce.”


	7. You Showed Me Love

“And here I thought I’d have to get a house down there.” Natasha said, her voice brighter than it had been in the past few weeks. After informing her of everything that went down between me and Steve she’d been wary of my continued involvement with him, but she’d started to loosen up, bit by bit. 

“You should, there is a huge market for gyms out here. Blossoming economy Nat.” 

She was quiet for a long moment. “Don’t tempt me Wilson, if I move down there you won’t be able to get rid of me.”

“Who said I wanted to get rid of you? You’re the peanut butter to my jelly.”

“I feel like I’m the jelly.” 

“I’m the jelly. Honestly, there is no one more jelly than me.”

“You keep telling yourself that peanut butter.”

***

“Daddy where are you going tonight?” 

“The movies.” June frowned and crossed her arms over her seat belt.

“I wanna go!”

“We’re going to go see an adult movie.”

“Like the kind Fiona’s uncle makes?”

“Not like those.” June nodded. “And make sure never to watch any of Fiona’s uncle’s movies until you’re at least 17.” 

***

The thing about movie dates is that they’re not really made for watching movies. It’s why I invited Steve to go to one with me, seeing as I’d already seen the movie and I had more in mind for our date then sitting next to each other and eating popcorn. Half way through the trailers I placed a hand on Steve’s thigh refusing to make eye contact with him. I could feel his intense gaze on me as I moved it higher and higher. 

Leaning back I turned towards him slightly. “Is this okay?”

Even from my peripheral view I saw Steve swallow hard. “Yeah, uh yeah it’s great.” After that the movie was completely forgotten. Steve was focused on my hand and I was focused on his breathing, the way his lips would part when I’d move my hand closer to his cock. “Sam?”

“Yeah babe?”

“Can you uh, can you move your hand?”

“Where?” Steve gaped at me slightly and grabbed my wrist delicately like he was dealing with some sort of valuable gem. He placed it higher and I could feel his hardened cock underneath the rough jean. 

“Do you want me to do something about that?” 

“Yes please.” 

***

“How was your movie Daddy?” 

“Good, better than expected.” 

***

“You got laid!” Opal shouted from across the room, alarming all the other PTA parents working the bake sale. 

“Blowjobs in the back row of the movie theater don’t constitute as getting laid.” 

She rolled her eyes and took a bite into one of the chocolate chip cookies I’d baked. “You still have that post fuck glow to you.” Opal spoke around the cookie, her words muffled by the copious amounts of chocolate in her mouth. 

“Thanks?” 

She just smiled and began talking about how she was trying to teach her ex how to pack lunches and was failing miserably. “It’s like she doesn’t understand ham and cheese sandwiches.”

“Those are my favorite.” I heard a voice behind me say. I felt strong arms wrap around my waist and a chin situate itself on my shoulder. 

“Smooth.” 

“I try.” I could see Steve’s smile from the corner of my eye. “I wanted to know if we could get together Friday night. Bucky wants to meet you and Misty wants to be formally introduced.” Steve continued on in a lower voice. “And the apartment will be empty afterwards since Bucky’s going over his boyfriend’s house for the weekend.”

“I’d love to, I’ll have to find someone to watch June all night.”

“I can watch her. Xavier will be delighted to have a sleepover.” Opal just beamed at me. “And I promise to bring her back with only one tattoo.”

“It’s settled then. I’ll see you Friday night.” Steve flashed me a winning smile and went back over to Misty who was devouring a slice of Opal’s pie, which knowing her may or may not have been laced with marijuana. 

“Oh, since you’ll be rubbing elbows with Ms. Knight find out if she’s single.” 

***

“Hon-ey! I am loving the new edits to the story! You are serving me relationship realness!” Maxwell’s voice rang through the phone as I darted around the kitchen looking for June’s left sneaker. 

“Thanks?” 

“What changed your mind about the romance?”

“New developments.”

“New developments hum? Well, send Daddy some pics, you know I love a good development.”

***

“Why are you trying to wear a cardigan for dinner?” Natasha asked from my laptop screen. She was sitting in her bed with her hair tied back and her eyes bleary. We’d recently taken to skyping although sometimes she struggled with the technology. 

“It’s comfortable.”

“Okay Grandpa you can go for comfort a year in. Right now is tight pants, lots of black and leather.”

“Look I know you’ve got a fetish-” 

“Shut up Wilson.”

“Honestly Nat, I don’t want him to think I’m a goth.” She rolled her eyes, but it looked more like a glitch in the screen.

“How about this, wear dark jeans, the red button down and your casual leather jacket, the one without all the buckles.”

“I think you spend too much time making me your chocolate Ken doll.” I said grabbing the items she’d indicated.

“You’re lucky I do, otherwise you’d be walking around in a,” Natasha shivered. “cardigan.” 

***

The entire drive from my house to Steve’s apartment was anxiety inducing to say the least. Steve kept squeezing my hand and making too hard turns all while muttering little facts about his friends like, “Um Bucky hates trains like hates them, lost an arm to a train actually.” and “Misty’s got this weird thing about coffee, she might ask if we’re going to go get some after dinner, just say no.”

“Thanks for all the info babe.” Steve just smiled, not able to detect the hints of sarcasm in my voice. He lead me up to his apartment, a three bedroom that probably cost way too much and used his key, opening the door to what seemed like well controlled chaos. Rap music was blaring from the speakers in the kitchen and the men who I assumed were Bucky and his boyfriend T’Challa were dancing wildly and half-cooking. Misty was sitting on the counter top with a beer, smirking at the two men. 

When we entered the apartment Bucky immediately turned around a wide smile on his face. Along with Misty and T’Challa Bucky made his way over. “Sam this is Bucky, T’Challa and you know Misty.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet all of you.” T’Challa just smiled and nodded as did Misty and Bucky leaned over towards Steve.

“Holy shit Stevie, he’s really hot.” He whispered although it wasn't much of a whisper.

“Thank you.” Bucky just gaped at me and everyone else dissolved into various fits of laughter.

“Challa, help me set the table?” Bucky said recovering from his earlier embarrassment. The other man nodded and followed him into the kitchen, while Steve led me to the living room, his arm wrapped around my waist, with Misty following behind. 

“What do you do Sam?” Misty asked leaning towards me. 

“I’m a writer, mostly sci-fi fantastical realism stuff.” She nodded and took a sip from her beer.

“Do you have any supplementary income, I know writing isn’t all that lucrative.” 

“Misty!” Steve chided and tightened his hold on me. 

“It’s fine. I get DIC benefits from my husband.” 

Misty quirked an eyebrow. “DIC?”

“He died while doing a tour in Afghanistan, so the government sends me a monthly check for his service.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine, old wounds and that sort of thing.” Steve once again gripped me tighter and pressed a solemn kiss to my temples. 

“I’ve got shrimp scampi! I hope you’re not allergic to anything Sam because I put the whole kitchen sink into this.” Bucky announced making his way to the dining room holding a giant pot, and T’Challa trailing him with plates. “Let’s eat!”

***

“Remind me to go to Bucky’s restaurant one of these days.” Steve rolled his eyes and continued to kiss my neck, his hands fumbling with my shirt buttons.

“Please don’t mention Bucky when I’m trying to have sex with you.” 

“Is that what this is? I thought you were trying to do the dishes.”

“If you don’t stop I’m going to bite you.”

“In what world is that a bad thing?”  

Steve laughed into the crook of my neck and pushed me down onto the bed, licking and sucking and biting one one spot on my neck that would not go unnoticed by Opal, June or Natasha. He began pulling off his t-shirt but stopped abruptly and looked me in the eye. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah, although it’ll be even better when I’m inside you.” 

Steve’s facial expression didn’t change from concerned although his dick did twitch slightly. “I just I want to make sure you’re comfortable, 100% okay with this you know? Because I know it hasn’t been all that long since Riley.... and I just I don’t want you to go into this and not want this, because I really like you and maybe even love you and I want you to be comfortable.” Steve rambled running his hands through his hair. 

“Babe, if I didn’t want to be here with you I wouldn’t be.” I grabbed Steve’s wrists and pulled him onto the bed. “I’m good, and as long as you’re good we’ll stay good.” I pulled him into a kiss, long and slow, a way to convey how serious I was, how much I trusted him. “Besides, I maybe even love you back.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They were listening to Kendrick Lamar in during the dinner scene. I was going to put it in the story but it didn’t read right with it in there.


	8. Cannonball Off The Porch Side

Sam is gorgeous. Watching him as he sleeps, the way his lips part as he snores softly, the rise and fall of his chest, the way the sun bounces off like mahogany is like viewing miracles take place. The sheets were wrapped around him loosely, just semblances of fabric draped over his chest and legs. A few minutes after I woke up I grabbed my notebook and started sketching him, hoping for this moment to be more than just a memory. “Do you do this with all the guys?” Sam murmured, his eyes still unopened. 

“Just you.” I leaned over and placed a kiss to Sam’s forehead. He smiled lightly and opened his eyes, still hazy from sleep. He moved and pulled me into a lazy kiss, his arms locked around me holding me close. “I wish we could do this forever.” 

Sam chuckled. “We can do this until 2.” 

“What else can do until then?”

“Anything you want babe.” Sam replied before flipping us on the bed, with me straddling him. “Anything you want.” 

***

“So how do you feel about meeting June?” Sam asked on the ride to his house. “As my boyfriend.”

“I’d love to. When?”

“Maybe Monday? I’ve got a call with my editor that’ll probably go until 4, so if you can come over at five, five thirty?” 

“I’ll be there.”

***

“So you’re meeting the kid huh?” Bucky asked while I braided his hair. He usually just wore it down but had decided he wanted something different for his date. “Are you going to be Daddy Steve now?”

“I’m not trying to be the June’s father, but if me and Sam stay together and she decides that having three Dads is something she’d be okay with, I’d be honored to be Daddy Steve.”

“That’s so fucking sweet. You should save it for Sam, he’d probably eat that shit up.” 

***

**Sam: June’s okay with meeting you. I was worried that she would freak out, but she took the news really well.**

**Me: good i’m excited & nrveous **

**Me: *nervous**

**Sam: Don’t be, you’re one of her favorite teachers, I’m sure she’ll be happy it’s you and not someone she’s never even seen before.**

**Me: i hope so**

**Me: i rlly want her 2 like me**

**Me: as more than her teacher yaknow**

**Sam: I do, but it’ll be okay. We’ll weather whatever tonight brings.**

***

“Steve!” Misty called from down the hallway as she herded her class to the gym, a satisfied smirk on her face. 

“Yeah?”

“Are you  _ still _ limping?” 

Blushing I ducked my head. “Maybe?”

Misty whistled. “That boy did a number on you. Tell him to be gentler next time, the kids are starting to make fun of you.” 

***

When Sam opened his door, I was greeted with a kiss, long filthy and dirty. “I probably won’t be able to do that again tonight, so I figured I’d do it now.” Sam murmured before leading me into the house. 

“Tease.” Winking at me he lead me into the dining room where the food was placed elegantly in the center, like Sam was having the Queen for dinner, not me. 

“June-bug! Time for dinner!” June emerged from her bedroom. When she saw me her mouth fell open and she looked to Sam.

“You’re dating Mr. Rogers?” 

“Uh you can call me Steve.” Sam looked over at me and rose an eyebrow. 

“I am dating Steve. I like him very much.”

“Do you kiss like in the Disney movies?” June asked wrinkling her nose. 

Sam glanced at me and smiled. “Sometimes.”

“Gross!”

***

After dinner Sam went back into the kitchen to clean and pack up the extra food giving me and June a chance to talk. “You’re not gonna take away Papa right?” She’d asked after a few questions about how she was doing in school and her interests.

“No, never. I uh I want to be here for you and your dad, but I would never try and take away your Papa.” She just nodded and looked at me with those bright brown eyes, just like Sam’s. 

“Kay. You won’t hurt Daddy right?”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”  

***

**Me: sam makes bttr fried chicken than u**

**Buck: Like Hell He Does**

***

“Steve?” A little voice asked from behind me. I turned around to see June looking up at me with a small frown, her arms crossed over her knit blue dress. 

“June, while we’re in school I need you to still call me Mr.Rogers.”

“Well, Mr.Rogers I don’t want to work with Maddie on the painting project.”

“Why not?”

“She told me that she doesn’t like blue because it’s a boy color, but that’s stupid because it’s a color. And she smells.” 

“Well I think that you can hang on just for this project.”

“But you’re dating my Daddy and she stinks.”

“June, I can’t give you special privileges.”

“It’s not special if she smells. And it’s like fish eggs or poop or something gross like that.”

“It’s only two weeks. I think you’ll live.”

***

“I know that using the dating card was wrong on her part but that Maddie girl does smell. I caught a whiff of her on the field trip and I almost passed out.” 

“Sam.”

“I’ll talk to her about it, pinky promise.”

“I can’t pinky promise over the phone.”

“The promise still stands.”

“What about a promise for dinner.”

“Smooth Rogers, real smooth.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter/lighter chapter because the next one is heavier and deals with Riley's death.


	9. It’s Just A Fond Farewell To A Friend

I knew the day was coming, looming over me like a dark cloud. It wasn’t marked off on the calendar, it was a day I couldn’t forget. I remember it in snapshots, the men making their way up the stirs, the flag heavy in their arms, heavy in my arms. I remember June’s wails and sobs, how broken she looked in my arms. I remember Nat coming over for lunch only to find us curled up on June’s floor weeping. It’s a day I knew was coming, but would give anything to forget. 

***

“Daddy are we going back to D.C to see Papa?” June asked on the ride to school fiddling with the zipper on her backpack. 

“Yeah, I booked the tickets and we’ll be staying over Auntie Nat’s.”

June nodded and bit her lip. “Do you think Papa would have liked Steve?”

“I hope so.”

***

After dropping June off to her classroom, I made my way to the car, the weight of the world weighing heavier on my shoulders than it had in a long time. Steve was leaning against my car with a bright smile on his face holding a bouquet of carnations. “Hey!” Steve leaned forward and kissed me, his free hand holding me closer. “I wanted to know if you wanted to spend the weekend together, me you and June?” 

“I can’t. I’m going to D.C for the weekend.”

He moved back and took a look at my face, his smile slowly disappearing. “Is everything alright?”

“We’re going to see Riley, it’s the- it’s the anniversary of his death.” Steve pulled me in closer again, this time for a hug. 

“You don’t have to talk about it, but if you ever want to talk about it I’ll always be available.” 

“It’s just hard and I- I hate going some years, but June needs it so we go.” 

“Would it help if I went with you?”

“No, Nat is  gonna be there and I don’t want you to have to deal with all this.”

“Hey, your baggage is my baggage, and I know how this sounds but I’m here to help carry your load. I’m here for you, always.”

Smiling I placed a hand on Steve’s cheek, stroking smooth pale skin. “Thank you.”

***

June jumped straight into Natasha’s arms squealing in delight when she saw her Aunt. She began chattering about everything that had happened since their last conversation, even recounting in painstaking detail our dinner with Steve. “Wow that sounds like so much fun!” Natasha said, the sarcasm not reaching June’s ears.

“Eating is fun but the dinner was kinda boring. Next time we have Steve over we should play videogames so it’s more fun.” Nat nodded and smiled at June as she rambled on and on. 

She leaned back and looked at me with concerned eyes, her voice a little louder than a whisper. “I know how hard this is for you, but it’s just the weekend. It’ll be over soon.”

***

June sat with her legs crossed over the grass, left hand placed on Riley’s grave. I couldn’t hear her words, nor did I want to. There were things that were meant only to fall to the ears of a dead man. After finishing, June came over to me hugging me for what seemed like a perfect eternity, she let me go and motioned for me to go to the grave. Nat nodded at me and gave me a sad smile as I walked towards the grave. Sitting down I looked at the grave:  _ Riley Wilson loving father and husband _ . 

“I hate talking to stone. You and June could really see the sentiment in going to someone’s grave honoring them. I try, every year but it just hurts. You’d probably tell me to stop, maybe you wouldn’t but it does June good to see me talk to stone, let her know that this is an okay way to mourn.” 

“I miss you. It sucks and I miss you but it’s better in Colorado. We’d never gone together so it’s a new start, a place without your footprint. I still think of you everyday though. Your old gear, your favorite sweatshirt, it all still smells like you. Two years and I still feel you everywhere and I...” A broken laugh trembled from my lips and I placed a hand on the cool smooth stone.

“I’m dating again. His name is Steve and he’s good, you would have liked him taken him out for a beer and adopted him. He’s not you, he’ll never be you, but he’s there and he’s wonderful. And I wish you were here to see June grow up. She’s beautiful. She may look like me but that girl is all you and she’s gonna rule the world some day and I wish you were here to see that. I love you Riley, always.”

***

Natasha grabbed another bottle of tequila from her kitchen, her body swaying gracefully. “Guess fucking what?” She asked setting the bottle on the table with a loud thunk. 

“What?” 

“I’m fucking drunk.” Nat spoke taking a swig from the bottle.

“I realized.”

“Why aren’t you drunk?”

“Because I know how to pace myself.”

“Enough of that shit.” Nat thrust the bottle towards me and I took a long drink to satisfy her. She smiled brightly and draped her legs over mine, she did that for a while until her face suddenly fell. “We shouldn’t be drinking, we’ve got a fucking flight in the morning.”

“We?” Nat pouted, looking like an old cartoon character. 

“I was going to tell you to-tomorrow but I guess the cat’s out the fucking bag. I’m coming down to Denver, back with you and baby girl. I hate it here without you. I’m fucking lonely.”

“You know you can stay with us.”

“Promise me that when I’m fucking sober.”

***

“I won’t stay here forever.” Natasha said as we hauled her boxes into the house. “I’m gonna get a job, then an apartment so you won’t have to live with me until you’re old and grey.”

“You can stay as long as you like Nat.”

“Nah, I’m not trying to be here when Steve moves in and you two have copious amounts of sex.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I know you, and you my friend are insatiable.” 

***

Steve had decided that hiking was the best date to go on after I came back from D.C. June had gone shopping with Nat and Steve decided to make good use of that fact. He said that hiking always cleared his head when he was a kid. He’d grown up in these mountains and found solace in them. We’d made it to the peak and stared out at the sky for a long while when I broke the silence. 

“Riley hated the mountains. Hated them, he always told me that he preferred coasts, water.” We’d stopped midway through our hike to take a break, sit and stare out at the foggy horizon. “ He took June to the beach every year for her birthday, her birthday is in September so it would always be a little cold but we’d go and he’d run around with her tell her ‘you’re getting old little lady’ and dump her in the water.” I feel to the ground, rocks digging into my thighs. 

“And he was a soldier. He was from Texas too had those good manners that made my Mama swoon. He had that old school southern charm but he was brilliant and sympathetic to everything and everyone. I remember one time we went to a BLM protest and he was making shirts and shaking hands and asking how he could help and he cared. Dammit Steve he gave a shit about the world and me and now he’s gone.” Steve had wrapped his arms around me and at some point he began wiping my tears.

“He sounds incredible.”

“He was.” 

  
  
  



	10. Flawed Crystals Hang From Your Ears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter!

**Five Years Later**

Misty loved weddings, she loved them so much that when me and Sam got engaged she basically took over. Neither of us had any qualms about it, with it being Sam’s second marriage and my general aversion to large events and displays, but it was always interesting when she’d text us with updates about the ‘wedding of the century.’ Planning was filled with compromise, mostly with Misty. We’d let her pick the colors and the place, even the food and she’d conceded on letting us have a small wedding and a reception that was less of a reception and more casual post-event drinks. 

“Okay how about caviar?” Misty asked looking over the list Bucky had given her of acceptable wedding foods.  
“You got caviar money?” Sam asked his hand intertwined with mine. He rose an eyebrow at Misty and she just nodded.

“What about chicken.”

“Chicken is tacky.” Misty rolled her eyes at me.

“Says the guy who wanted to release doves.”

“Doves are classy, they were at my Ma’s wedding.”

Sam smiled and nuzzled into me. “Misty, let’s make doves happen.”

***

“Marriage is gross.” June muttered from her place on the couch as she scrolled through her instagram feed. “Why don’t you guys just enter into a civil union or something.”

“Mostly for the ring.” Sam said not looking up from his phone either. After June got her phone it was always funny to see them sit next to each other, having full on discussion without looking up from their phones. It was something so uniquely Wilson that it was incredible. “Also for legal reasons.” 

June hummed and nudged Sam causing them both to smile.

***

“Pops, can I go over Xavier’s tonight?” June asked sliding next to me on the couch. I was drawing, something to take my mind of the wedding stress when she entered, her disposition just as bright as it was when she was eight. “I know you and Dad are doing dinner and I really don’t want to be here for desert.” 

“How are you getting there?”

“Ms. Hartford said she’d come get me.” 

“As long as Opal says it’s okay and you make it to school in the morning.” 

“Thanks!” She said, already tapping on her phone in excitement.

***

We’d decided to do tux and dress fittings all at the same time, since neither me or Sam believed in jinxing the wedding if we saw our outfits beforehand. Misty, Opal and Natasha had all gotten fitted in their dresses while Bucky and June were decked out in tuxes. June was wearing a tux because she’d outright refused to put on anything but the navy blue suit we’d seen a few months earlier, much to Misty’s chagrin and Sam’s delight. 

“Looking sharp!” Bucky called out as me and Sam emerged from our respective dressing rooms. He looked fantastic in the tailored navy blue suit with the bright red and blue striped tie, he spun around showing off for the group before turning to me. 

“You look so goddamned hot.” Sam whispered before pulling his lower lip between his teeth. 

“So do you.” He grinned and moved towards me, wrapping his arms around my waist. Sam pulled me into a kiss, ignoring the wolf whistles and the classic “gross!” from June. 

***

“You’re gonna be a married man Stevie.” Bucky commented as he grabbed the chicken from the fridge. After I moved in with Sam and T’Challa in with Bucky we’d decided to spend every tuesday night with each other, giving Sam the time to do the same with Natasha. 

“You might be one too.”

Bucky shook his head slightly. “Nah, we’re not going that route. We’re committed but we don’t need a whole ceremony and a label to be that.” 

“You should talk to June about that, she’d probably love you more because of it.” After meeting Bucky, June had automatically warmed up to him, hailing him ‘the best Uncle ever’. 

“June’s anti marriage?”

“June’s a teenager, she’s anti-everything.” 

***

The sex the night before the wedding was slow. It happened early in the night, when the last bits of the sunset were still filtering through the windows and our bones were alight with lust, love and expectation, both of us looking forward to the next day, the next chapter of our lives together. Sam’s thrusts were at an excruciatingly relaxed pace, although both of us were trying to savor the moment, savor the drag against skin another connection that we could foster. 

When it was all over he kissed me, his legs intertwined with mine. “I love you babe.”

“I love you too.” 

***

“Do you take Samuel Wilson to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.” 

“Do you take Steven Rogers to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.” 

***

The best thing about that night was Sam, the emotional lilt of his voice that had been present all throughout the day, as if he’d burst into tears at any moment. The way the suit fit him in all the right places, the smile that seemed to enrapture everyone in proximity to him, the way he held his daughter closer and pressed kisses to her forehead, the glow of his face in the lights, the navy blue eyeliner that June had done before the reception which made his eyes twinkle were all things that I would get to have for the rest of my days, memories I would treasure forever. 

The best thing about that night was Sam, but there was something so beautiful about our family, everyone partnered up, Misty with Opal, Bucky with T’Challa, Nat with June and me with Sam, twirling around the dancefloor and celebrating us. Celebrating our happiness, our eternity. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/saphireandbrokenglass


End file.
